Have you ever loved someone more than they loved you? Or perhaps you have been in a subservient position in a relationship? It may be hard for you to acknowledge this state of affairs, but did your friends often make whip sounds as soon as she called and then shake their heads as you bailed on them to rush to her aid? I only ask, to state the obvious; there was a power imbalance in your relationship. You probably knew it, but rationalized it away to avoid having a rather difficult discussion that you were afraid would end in her dumping you. I also hope that you are no longer in that relationship.

Whether you took a strong stand and shed the yoke of her demands and expectations, or you continued to humble yourself to the point that she couldn’t respect you and jumped ship, you’re hopefully in a better situation now. Either way, there’s nothing more fucked up than her text messaging you for her own bored and manipulative enjoyment. I’ve noticed there’s a tendency for this moment to occur right when you’re really recovering. You will have a revelation about how over her you are, and just at that very moment, she’ll text you. “Hi.” And you’ll crumble.

The progress that came hard earned will evaporate with the word “Hi.” You’ll reply, and then she’ll say something to the effect of, “I just wanted to see how you’re doing. We should get lunch.” And why does she want to grab lunch? There’s a slim chance she just genuinely cares and wants to check in on you, but even with sincere intent, that can be debilitating at this stage of your recovery. There is also the chance that she reached out because she realized she made a mistake and wants to get back with you. But often, it’s because she’s bored and lonely, and you’ve always been the sure thing that will drop everything and come running to soothe her. She’s banking on you doing the same now, even if that means sacrificing your hard earned sanity or that promising thing you have going with that great new woman you recently met.

If this is your current conundrum, or you’ve been through this rigamarole before, Adam Stern has an anthem for you in the strongly titled, “Don’t Text Me.” It’s the type of bold statement you need to make. You’re not a push over any more. You’re a grown ass man that has to lay down the law. Even if it’s to music.

For the record, this is not suggesting that this is a gender-specific or hetero-normative phenomenon; It happens in relationships regardless of gender or sexual orientation. This is just my testimony as inspired by Adam Stern’s song.

The video was shot and edited on an iPhone 4. iLLy.

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